Note:
Just in case you might be mislead, this guy's picture up here
is only for propaganda! The jokes below this line are mostly mine; seriously!
Sometimes it's ok to get upset
photos e-mailed to me
Speak English?
In 1930's, Uncle Joe had just arrived in America and found a job as a cook in a restaurant in Southside Chicago. He was a good worker and soon he learned the language. A friend told him: "Hey man, with the talent you have, you can make whole lot more in downtown."
So, Uncle Joe went downtown looking for a better job, but the people seemed had a hard time understanding him. They kept telling him: "Man, speak English…" But he knew that he had learned the language and he was speaking it fluently. Someone paid a close attention and told our Joey to repeat what he had just said, and they found out that the language he was speaking, wasn't English, it was Polish !
So, Uncle Joe went downtown looking for a better job, but the people seemed had a hard time understanding him. They kept telling him: "Man, speak English…" But he knew that he had learned the language and he was speaking it fluently. Someone paid a close attention and told our Joey to repeat what he had just said, and they found out that the language he was speaking, wasn't English, it was Polish !
Mono-prong fork
In 1981 when I just had arrived in Chicago, I got my first paycheck and I treated my friend to lunch at McDonald's. He ordered a coffee with a dessert, and I ordered a Big Mac meal. I opened my bag, looked for a fork to eat the fries with, but there was no fork. Instead, there was a stick, and I assumed that was the fork, you know, a single-prong fork. I said to myself: "Hmm, so this is how the Americans eat their food, with a stick! Okay!"
I had some fries using the "fork", I laid it down and continued with the BigMac. My friend quietly took the "mono-prong fork", wiped it clean and stirred his coffee with it!
We both laughed inside and said nothing.
I had some fries using the "fork", I laid it down and continued with the BigMac. My friend quietly took the "mono-prong fork", wiped it clean and stirred his coffee with it!
We both laughed inside and said nothing.
A painful curiosity
It was 4 in the morning and I was doing my early jogging exercise. I came across some bushes, and I heard someone counting: "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen…"
My curiosity kicked in. I turned around to see where the noise was coming from. I was looking around when suddenly, from inside the bushes a short man stood up… BAM! With his two fingers poked me in my eyes; and continued: "Fifteen, fifteen, fifteen…" I was blinded for a few minutes.
"Ouch!" I said, "What in the world was that! Why did you hit me?"
The shorty said, "Just counting the nosy people in the 'hood."
My curiosity kicked in. I turned around to see where the noise was coming from. I was looking around when suddenly, from inside the bushes a short man stood up… BAM! With his two fingers poked me in my eyes; and continued: "Fifteen, fifteen, fifteen…" I was blinded for a few minutes.
"Ouch!" I said, "What in the world was that! Why did you hit me?"
The shorty said, "Just counting the nosy people in the 'hood."
If you've been to Chicago, you must have seen Chicago Botanic Garden. In summer, it is the most peaceful and romantic place in the Midwest. This is where I met my two geese friends!
In June 1997, I was having a good time walking through the Garden when I thought to myself it would be a waste if I didn't make this day a special one; I just had to create something memorable.
Walking towards the pond, I saw some Canadian geese and slowly I walked towards them. They were all talking to each other, you know, quack-quack, quack-quack, and so forth. At first, they all sounded alike, just some birds making noise. But with a little attention, I realized each one had a different tone and I would say a different attitude. There were two particular white geese that grabbed my attention. The male was doing most of the talking, and the female was kind of agreeing with him with her gestures. How did I know which one was the male, from him being so loud! I mean QUACK-QUACK, QUACK-QUACK… He was big and dominant!
I tore off a piece of bread and came closer to feed them. They were interesting. While they were picking the pieces of bread, they would look at me and continue speaking--quacking. My curiosity was raised. I scooped down, feeling I could understand what they were saying. I listened more closely, and I had in fact started comprehending them their conversation.
"…That's right", the big one said, "I told you, I've been watching these people. Hmm… they are getting paid to feed us, and if we complain about them, or show any dissatisfaction, they will be fired on the spot, you will not see them again."
"Wow!" the female said, "and how do their bosses know that we are complaining about them? How do they get fired?"
—"Try it, okay? Whenever anyone gives you a dried out bread, or something that doesn't agree with your appetite, just bite his finger, just like that. Bite him and show him who's in charge. You will not see him again. He will be fired immediately and won't be allowed to be around us anymore."
These two were just blabbering (quacking). I was shocked how they thought about us. I mean, you walk in a park, see some birds, you feed them, right? But they think you are obligated to do it, how dare they! How unappreciative! Anyway, I didn't know whether to laugh or grab their beak and wack them.
By me staring at them, I had grabbed the male's attention. He came closer to me and looked at my face and said: "Look at this one, what do you looking at? You ain't got no more food left, why are you still here? Get out of here, shoot! (QUACK)"
I was mad. I was gonna say something, but he kept talking…"look at his nose! Where did you get it enlarged? (QUACK-QUACK)."
Now, I was angry. I had fed these suckers, thinking they were so cute and fluffy, not knowing they were being sarcastic to me. I tried to catch the male and give him a piece of my mind, but he was fast, with a flash of an eye, he flapped his wings and jumped on me and bit my nose! I'm just glad there was no one there to see this. I still have a mark on my nose 'til this day.
So I decided I had had enough of watching birds for the day. I left the pond in a state of confusion. I was happy that I had learned a new language, but confused and hurt, emotionally and physically; I had stitches (Band Aid) on my nose and I had found out that some geese just like some people think that we are obligated to feed them!
If you happen to visit the Chicago Botanic Garden, and see the geese, just stay away from the big one!
Abraham Giliana, June 1997, Chicago Botanic Garden
In June 1997, I was having a good time walking through the Garden when I thought to myself it would be a waste if I didn't make this day a special one; I just had to create something memorable.
Walking towards the pond, I saw some Canadian geese and slowly I walked towards them. They were all talking to each other, you know, quack-quack, quack-quack, and so forth. At first, they all sounded alike, just some birds making noise. But with a little attention, I realized each one had a different tone and I would say a different attitude. There were two particular white geese that grabbed my attention. The male was doing most of the talking, and the female was kind of agreeing with him with her gestures. How did I know which one was the male, from him being so loud! I mean QUACK-QUACK, QUACK-QUACK… He was big and dominant!
I tore off a piece of bread and came closer to feed them. They were interesting. While they were picking the pieces of bread, they would look at me and continue speaking--quacking. My curiosity was raised. I scooped down, feeling I could understand what they were saying. I listened more closely, and I had in fact started comprehending them their conversation.
"…That's right", the big one said, "I told you, I've been watching these people. Hmm… they are getting paid to feed us, and if we complain about them, or show any dissatisfaction, they will be fired on the spot, you will not see them again."
"Wow!" the female said, "and how do their bosses know that we are complaining about them? How do they get fired?"
—"Try it, okay? Whenever anyone gives you a dried out bread, or something that doesn't agree with your appetite, just bite his finger, just like that. Bite him and show him who's in charge. You will not see him again. He will be fired immediately and won't be allowed to be around us anymore."
These two were just blabbering (quacking). I was shocked how they thought about us. I mean, you walk in a park, see some birds, you feed them, right? But they think you are obligated to do it, how dare they! How unappreciative! Anyway, I didn't know whether to laugh or grab their beak and wack them.
By me staring at them, I had grabbed the male's attention. He came closer to me and looked at my face and said: "Look at this one, what do you looking at? You ain't got no more food left, why are you still here? Get out of here, shoot! (QUACK)"
I was mad. I was gonna say something, but he kept talking…"look at his nose! Where did you get it enlarged? (QUACK-QUACK)."
Now, I was angry. I had fed these suckers, thinking they were so cute and fluffy, not knowing they were being sarcastic to me. I tried to catch the male and give him a piece of my mind, but he was fast, with a flash of an eye, he flapped his wings and jumped on me and bit my nose! I'm just glad there was no one there to see this. I still have a mark on my nose 'til this day.
So I decided I had had enough of watching birds for the day. I left the pond in a state of confusion. I was happy that I had learned a new language, but confused and hurt, emotionally and physically; I had stitches (Band Aid) on my nose and I had found out that some geese just like some people think that we are obligated to feed them!
If you happen to visit the Chicago Botanic Garden, and see the geese, just stay away from the big one!
Abraham Giliana, June 1997, Chicago Botanic Garden
Somewhere else
I hate it when some individuals who can never be happy. The other day, I told her, "Let us travel all over the world". She said: "No (!), let's go somewhere else !
No speak no Assyrian
I was roaming in Athens, Greece, and I met this girl I thought she would make a good daughter-in-law for my mother. I started talking to her, and told her how nice of a guy I was and needed someone like her to be my woman. I told her that I was very lonely and she would be a good candid to share my love seat with me. I talked to her for a long time and she looked at me and just shook her head and smiled. All of a sudden, she waved her hand and left.
Later on, I found out the Greeks don't speak Assyrian!
Later on, I found out the Greeks don't speak Assyrian!
Kangaroo !
Years ago an Englishman was exploring Australia when he saw this animal with long legs, short arms, and carrying the baby in her pouch. He asked the native man what the name of the animal was. The man shook his shoulders, like he was saying in body language: "That's obvious..." Kangaroo !
Years later, after the Englishman had published his encyclopedia, he learned that "Kangaroo" in that part of Australia meant: "I don't know!"
Years later, after the Englishman had published his encyclopedia, he learned that "Kangaroo" in that part of Australia meant: "I don't know!"
When I drove trucks, once I heard a phrase that sounded interesting to me. I was anxious to find out if I were pronouncing it right. Who would I try it on? On my wife, Belinda, of course. From her reaction I would know if my pronunciation were correct.
So, I called her from Pennsylvania and said: "Way u at?" Very normally she answered: "I'm in the kitchen,
way U at?"
Bingo! I had pronounced it perfectly.
So, I called her from Pennsylvania and said: "Way u at?" Very normally she answered: "I'm in the kitchen,
way U at?"
Bingo! I had pronounced it perfectly.